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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179648">The End is Beautiful, Reflected Back In Your Eyes.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue'>intothemidnightblue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ficlets [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Waterparks (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Falling In Love, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Hospitals, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Rollerblades &amp; Rollerskates, Sick Character, Sickfic, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:47:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Awsten stood on the roof of the building, looking out over the city through the gaps in the chain-link fence. He was as good as dead, but he didn’t feel it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Awsten Knight/Otto Wood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ficlets [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/792744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The End is Beautiful, Reflected Back In Your Eyes.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>not beta'd and very rough, but still pretty rad</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Awsten stood on the roof of the building, looking out over the city through the gaps in the chain-link fence. He was as good as dead, but he didn’t feel it.</p>
<p class="p1">“Hey,” Otto said at the door down to the hospital, “what do you say that we blow this popsicle stand?” He spoke hopefully.</p>
<p class="p1">“I can’t leave with you,” Awsten poked at the fence.</p>
<p class="p1">“Geoff’s got it covered, come on,” Otto ushered with his hand for Awsten to step away from the fenced ledge. Awsten glanced at him.</p>
<p class="p1">“No,” Awsten spoke clearly.</p>
<p class="p1">“For me? Please?” Otto begged, puppy eyes miles wide. Awsten could not say no to those eyes.</p>
<p class="p1">“Fine,” Awsten bit his lip, then moved towards Otto. He stopped for a moment, lurching as yellow gladiolus irises tickled his throat. He coughed up the petals onto the concrete ground. Covered with saliva, they splattered on the ground wetly.</p>
<p class="p1">“No blood yet,” Otto noted.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’ll come,” Awsten warned.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’ll bring you back when it does,” Otto promised, holding out his pinky. Awsten pinky swore with him as Otto pulled him into a hug. “I’ve missed you,” Otto said, “I wanted to see you sooner, they wouldn’t let me though.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You would have killed me if you did, I was in bad shape,” Awsten said.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It had been months of silent suffering, rushing off to the bathroom at odd times to hide the petals, and eventually holing up in his room completely. He had done his very best to not make people worry, but Geoff and Otto had seen through it, knocking on his door late one night when they could no longer take the lies.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten,” Otto called into the silent apartment. They had to open the door with their spare key.“We’re here for you buddy.” No reply. They made their way further in, down the hall and to the bedroom, where Awsten lay motionless.</p>
<p class="p1">“Otto run, away, now,” Geoff spoke quickly and with rising panic, assessing the situation clearly.</p>
<p class="p1">“What?” Otto was dumbfounded.</p>
<p class="p1">“Take the keys and drive, far as you can get until I call you,” Geoff pushed the keys into Otto’s hands and shoved him away from the scene, “now!”</p>
<p class="p1">Otto’s heart sank as he caught up to the situation, “no, it can’t be me.” He spoke low, terrified.</p>
<p class="p1">“He’ll die,” Geoff shouted at Otto. Otto bolted. “Call 911!” Geoff added.</p>
<p class="p1">Geoff ran in and started chest compressions, checking Awsten’s mouth, hoping they hadn’t reached the stem phase yet.</p>
<p class="p1">“You dumb motherfucker,” Geoff whispered. Awsten sat up suddenly, projectile vomiting blood, petals, and leaves. Yellow petals turned pink from blood.</p>
<p class="p1">“What’s the flower?” Geoff asked. Awsten made a choking motion. Geoff did his best to perform a Heimlich, having to make due how he could as Awsten was in an awkward position for the maneuver. Awsten vomited a clump of flowers, all tied together by a portion of stem.</p>
<p class="p1">“Fuck!” Geoff shouted as if it was a spider. “Flower?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Gladiolus,” Awsten croaked.</p>
<p class="p1">“Otto?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Fuck you for not telling us,” Geoff cursed.</p>
<p class="p1">“Fuck you for not noticing,” Awsten couldn’t help but retort back hoarsely.</p>
<p class="p1">“Oh I noticed motherfucker, but you didn’t let us notice that you caught the disease,” Geoff hissed.</p>
<p class="p1">“Fuck you,” Awsten gripped Geoff like a lifeline, smearing blood and petals on his friend. He coughed some more.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m calling 911,” Geoff trusted that Otto did as well, but better safe than sorry.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Why didn’t you tell us?” Otto asked. The car had been silent, besides Awsten occasionally coughing into a paper bag in the backseat.</p>
<p class="p1">“There’s nothing that can be done. No cure,” Awsten shrugged.</p>
<p class="p1">“There is a cure,” Otto whispered.</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, but you can’t do that for me can you?” Awsten said harshly.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten I love you-“ Otto’s voice broke.</p>
<p class="p1">“But not like I need you to,” Awsten deadpanned. They were silent once again, the only sound, the hum of the car in motion.</p>
<p class="p1">Eventually, they got where Otto was taking them. They sat in front of a roller skating rink, a plain and boring building. No one else sat in the parking lot. Music trickled out from the building, playing for no one.</p>
<p class="p1">“Is this a date,” Awsten wrinkled his nose. Otto ran his fingers through his hair awkwardly.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s a getting-to-know-you-better,” Otto said.</p>
<p class="p1">“You know me pretty well already,” Awsten pointed out.</p>
<p class="p1">“I didn’t know you loved me,” Otto retorted. Awsten hid his face in the paper bag he was coughing in. “I just... I don’t see you in that way, but I want to try,” Otto spoke honestly.</p>
<p class="p1">“How are we going to explain the trail of flowers I leave,” Awsten pointed out.</p>
<p class="p1">“Use the bag, you’ll be fine,” Otto assured. Awsten looked at him skeptically but got out of the car as Otto did the same. They met at the front of the car, Otto grabbing Awsten’s free hand before they could walk in.</p>
<p class="p1">Awsten’s blood pressure spiked at the motion. He almost flinched away.</p>
<p class="p1">“Sorry,” Otto dropped their hands sadly, “I thought it might help.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You can... if you really want to,” Awsten said shyly, after his heart had stopped racing. Otto gave a soft smile, and picked back up Awsten’s hand, intertwining their fingers. They walked inside, ordering shoes easily, and paying their dues promptly. The man at the counter said nothing about the two of them, though he did eye Awsten’s bag suspiciously. His eyes dawned with sharp recognition when Awsten coughed into it.</p>
<p class="p1">“You aren’t contagious are you?” The man asked carefully. Awsten held up the band that meant he was treated. “Okay, you’re good then,” the man nodded. They walked through the doors and got their shoes quietly, then picked a table to drop their shit at, putting on the shoes and finding their legs on the wheels.</p>
<p class="p1">“Have you rollerbladed before?” Otto asked over the music.</p>
<p class="p1">“As a kid, I did a bunch,” Awsten got his balance on the inlines slowly.</p>
<p class="p1">“You want to roll around the carpet for a bit?” Otto offered. Awsten nodded. Otto held out his hand, which Awsten took with some hesitation.</p>
<p class="p1">They skated around the carpet until Awsten led them to the rink. The man behind the counter watched them from the window. They skated slowly, getting the hang of things.</p>
<p class="p1">“So tell me about yourself,” Otto prompted, having to speak over the music.</p>
<p class="p1">“What don’t you know?” Awsten shook his head.</p>
<p class="p1">“Pretend we just met,” Otto smiled, a beautiful smile. Awsten couldn’t help but smile back, almost missing the next turn. Otto laughed and helped him rebalance. Awsten took a moment to cough into his bag before answering.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m not going to win you over with small talk,” Awsten said.</p>
<p class="p1">“Fine, then let’s get serious,” Otto’s voice lowered, “when did you first know you were in love with me.”</p>
<p class="p1">“When I met you,” Awsten answered truthfully, “I’ve always known I was at risk.” Otto blinked.</p>
<p class="p1">“Really?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, I saw you and I was like, damn. This is gunna fuck me one way or another,” Awsten said. Otto let out a little laugh.</p>
<p class="p1">“And you didn’t leave? It would have been better for you,” Otto questioned.</p>
<p class="p1">“I couldn’t leave you. I didn’t want to. It was worth the pain to know you,” Awsten said. They slowed as the music slowed. Otto shot the guy behind the counter a look, who just gave him a thumbs up.</p>
<p class="p1">“What’s the point of a slow song if you can’t dance,” Otto muttered, gesturing to the skates. Awsten laughed.</p>
<p class="p1">“Hold my hand and spin with me,” Awsten said.</p>
<p class="p1">“I am already doing one of those things,” Otto grinned. Awsten positioned them so they were holding hands, but spread out, both facing one direction. He moved, and so did Otto. When they found a rhythm, momentum moved them more than they needed to, like a pinwheel. They were more yanking each other around than doing anything graceful, but the point was that it was fun.</p>
<p class="p1">“This is dumb,” Awsten laughed, pulling Otto in after a while. They slowed but misstepped by just an inch and in an instant they were on the floor, giggling.</p>
<p class="p1">“That was your fault,” Otto said.</p>
<p class="p1">“It was yours,” Awsten rolled his eyes. Otto sat up, moving his legs to either side of Awsten. Awsten sat crisscrossed. Otto scooted closer, draping his legs on either side of Awsten. He brought a hand to Awsten’s face gently. Awsten was frozen in place, breathing hitched.</p>
<p class="p1">“I want to love you so badly,” Otto whispered. Awsten had to read his lips to know what he said over the music. He could see it in Otto’s eyes, reflected back at him. They both wanted this, but Otto wasn’t there yet, he couldn’t force the feelings to bloom.</p>
<p class="p1">“Please get off the floor,” the employee said over the loudspeaker. Both men laughed and did as they were told. They skated around for a while, talking like old friends. It was nice, but it didn’t satisfy.</p>
<p class="p1">At the end of their time, they got their stuff, turned in their shoes, and headed back to the car.</p>
<p class="p1">“I was thinking-,” Otto said as they were about to part to either side of the car. Awsten stopped him with a kiss, soft and gentle. Otto melted into it, participating avidly. He could feel Awsten’s frustration as they kissed. It was palpable, the other man’s somber desire. Awsten kissed him like he was going to die, and Otto kissed back like he was trying to stop time.</p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t want- Otto I don’t want this to be the end of me,” Awsten spoke into Otto’s lips.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m trying to love you, why can’t I just love you?” Otto’s voice broke. He wanted to cry. Awsten hugged him fiercely.</p>
<p class="p1">They parted eventually, returning to the car.</p>
<p class="p1">“I wanted to take you to a restaurant, but I will ugly cry at this point,” Otto’s voice shook as they got into the car.</p>
<p class="p1">“Let’s just go to mine, I need to grab some stuff anyways,” Awsten said, then coughed into his bag. The red wasn’t terribly visible through the layer of petals coating the bag. He still had time before Otto noticed. Otto nodded and took them to Awsten’s.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I want to see him,” Otto cried into Geoff’s shoulder in the hospital waiting room.</p>
<p class="p1">“You being here is making him worse, just go,” Geoff hushed him, pulling him out the door.</p>
<p class="p1">“It can’t be me,” Otto hiccuped, “I’m not worth him.”</p>
<p class="p1">“He loves you all the same,” Geoff sighed, leading Otto back to the car, “just leave.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s not fair!” Otto said harshly, “that the disease can’t just accept that I love you, so much... but as a friend.”</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s not how these things work,” Awsten spit loose petal into his bag and got out of the car. They made it to his home, though he realized now he didn’t bring his keys. Otto did, taking them out and leading the way inside.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten,” Otto wrapped him in another hug as they made their way past the threshold. Awsten accepted the hug. “What if we fucked,” the idea came to Otto just then. Awsten coughed at the surprising turn of conversation, leaning back and separating from the hug in favor of his flower bag.</p>
<p class="p1">“What?” He coughed.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s just a thought,” Otto looked sheepish.</p>
<p class="p1">“I mean,” Awsten coughed some more, “the endorphins and shit or whatever do help... according to studies... but-“</p>
<p class="p1">“Are you good?” Otto noticed Awsten’s lips were redder than they should be. He brought a finger to them, wiping off the blood. Awsten looked into his eyes like Otto was the only man in the world. “Would it help you?” Otto asked.</p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t want to ask you to do that for me, I’ll be fine,” Awsten said resolutely.</p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t like the idea of you asking anyone else,” Otto said, still close.</p>
<p class="p1">“Good,” Awsten said. Their breaths intermixed in the space between them. The home was silent. Awsten was against the wall, Otto taking up most of his space, having encroached slowly.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten...” Otto’s voice was fragile.</p>
<p class="p1">“Kiss me again, let me pretend,” Awsten said.</p>
<p class="p1">“I love you,” Otto had tears in his eyes, “I’m sorry it’s not enough.” He kissed him then, kindly.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s fine, you’re fine, you’re perfect,” Awsten said in between kissed, “thank you for letting me escape for a bit.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I needed to see you again, once more,” Otto parted.</p>
<p class="p1">“What?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m leaving.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why?”</p>
<p class="p1">“For you,” Otto smiled sadly, “until the end.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Don’t,” Awsten gripped him.</p>
<p class="p1">“I have to.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I’d rather die than lose you,” Awsten said firmly.</p>
<p class="p1">“That’s the problem, that’s why it has to be my decision,” Otto shook his head.</p>
<p class="p1">“This is... the end of us?” Awsten’s eyes shone with tears up at Otto’s equally moist face.</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, sorry,” Otto smiled at him with remorse. Awsten coughed blood and petals, scooting Otto away so they didn’t land on him and he had enough room for his bag. Otto glanced in and saw the amount of blood clumped in there.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten-“ Otto started.</p>
<p class="p1">“I love you,” Awsten said firmly, “I wanted as much time as I could stand with you.”</p>
<p class="p1">“We have to go back now,” Otto warned.</p>
<p class="p1">“Just let me grab some stuff first...,” Awsten trailed off and away, ducking away from Otto.</p>
<p class="p1">Otto watched him go, wiping his eyes.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“What took you guys so long,” Geoff joked, “the nurses aren’t happy,” he said the second part in a hushed tone.</p>
<p class="p1">“Thanks for this, thanks for understanding,” Otto patted him on the arm.</p>
<p class="p1">“No problem,” Geoff ruffled Otto’s hair as Awsten stepped away from them.</p>
<p class="p1">“I guess I’ll head back now...,” Awsten looked towards the hospital doors.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten,” Otto grabbed his hand once more. In his other hand, he held Geoff’s. He pulled them all in for a group hug.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m sorry,” Awsten said sadly as they hugged.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s not your fault,” Geoff chided.</p>
<p class="p1">“It kind of is,” Awsten mumbled.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s my fault, if anything,” Otto said as they pulled away, “I’m sorry I couldn’t fix it.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe I’m to blame for not saying anything, it really doesn’t matter at this point,” Geoff said, “we can’t play the blame game.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You’re right,” Awsten sighed. A nurse spotted them.</p>
<p class="p1">“Awsten!” The nurse said harshly.</p>
<p class="p1">“Coming! In a second...,” Awsten smiled nicely.</p>
<p class="p1">“I’ll be off now,” Otto said, pulling Awsten in one more time and planting a kiss on his forehead.</p>
<p class="p1">“Bye Otto,” Geoff gave him an encouraging smile and patted him on the shoulder, “I’ll miss you bud.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Bye Otto,” Awsten whispered, untangling their hands. Otto watched him leave with the nurse, who chided him immensely, down the hall and through the doors that led to the rest of the hospital.</p>
<p class="p1">“So you’re leaving today?” Geoff said steadily.</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah,” Otto watched the doors close.</p>
<p class="p1">“For how long?”</p>
<p class="p1">“They estimate it’ll take about a month if I leave the state,” Otto said, “I don’t know how much of it is them trying to sell me this... vacation... and how much of it is science.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Better safe than sorry,” Geoff said. Otto nodded.</p>
<p class="p1">“If he dies sooner we’ll know I didn’t do enough,” tears crept into Otto’s eyes.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s not your fault,” Geoff brought him into another hug. Otto accepted it gladly.</p>
<p class="p1">“As long as distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, then I’ve done all I can,” Otto said, trying more to convince himself than anything.</p>
<p class="p1">“He tested for it, that shouldn’t be the case,” Geoff assured.</p>
<p class="p1">“Good...,” Otto relaxed into Geoff’s arms. They stayed like that for a moment, until Otto had to finally say his final goodbye.</p>
<p class="p1">“Call me,” Geoff said. Otto nodded as he walked away, wanting this all to be over with, but knowing what that would mean. Another round of tears threatened to fall as he exited the hospital. It was raining outside as he walked to the car. He let the tears mix with the rain.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Otto played MCR the entire drive, trying to feel anything but the pit in his stomach. He thought over his feelings for Awsten the whole time. He loved the other man with his whole heart, but in the way you love a friend.</p>
<p class="p1">It was late in the night when Otto was trapped in a small motel room, that he finally remembered what he had kept locked out of sight this whole time. Staring at the faded wallpaper, he remembered...</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I love you,” the first time Awsten had said it was when Otto had just gone through a harsh breakup. He had added, “anything you need, let me know, I’ll be there.”</p>
<p class="p1">It felt like real love. It sounded like real love.</p>
<p class="p1">“I love you too,” Otto had spoken, like he was realizing it for the first time. The tidal wave of emotions was shut down by a dam that couldn’t break. It felt like years worth of heartache pummeling into his chest.</p>
<p class="p1">Part of the reason for the breakup was he was spending too much time with Awsten, talking too much about what he did with Awsten. He was such a private person, yet he couldn’t shut up when it came to Awsten. Because, he realized, he loved Awsten.</p>
<p class="p1">He couldn’t love Awsten though, he wouldn’t let himself ruin their friendship that way. He was always ruining a good thing, he wouldn’t do it this time.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He remembered his past unrequited love, as a child. It’s rare for children to catch the disease, but it’s also the only time period where it’s recoverable.</p>
<p class="p1">He remembered the surgery, cutting out the plants, dreaming that they were cutting out his heart. Until all the memories of his love were gone.</p>
<p class="p1">He was told, later on, what had transpired.</p>
<p class="p1">He saw his love at school sometimes, accompanied by a shooting pain in his chest as the scars inflamed. He remembered therapy groups and breakdowns. Days stayed up late with a drum kit trying to drown out the beat of his heart.</p>
<p class="p1">His love had only loved his attention, that was the problem. When he stopped giving it, they became cruel. Taunting him with memories he would no longer know. It felt like his fault, each jeer and jab. He made this person ugly because he couldn’t just be normal. He couldn’t just love the right person. He didn’t love right.</p>
<p class="p1">But with Awsten, it all felt right. Everything fit into place. Every ebb and flow of the relationship felt like coming home.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Otto got up and gathered his things, routing home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>H, worldbuilding my take on the Hanahaki disease was fun but so hard and then I got the Otto idea and I was like!!! :0 !!<br/>If I get a bunch of comments and love on this I might make a longer version, with better worldbuilding and shit now that the ideas are in place. If you like this, the only way to get more is to let me know! and share it around! (yes, this can be sent to the podcast)<br/>I ended it pretty roughly but I’m just excited to get this to you. I rlly want to make a longer version but I’m not going to put effort into something no one likes. That’s why comments and kudos are so important yall. Hits just tell me you saw it, comments and kudos tell me what y’all thought. <br/>_____________________________________________<br/>comments and kudos keep this train running<br/>find me on tumblr @ <a href="http://www.lockewoodandco.tumblr.com">lockewoodandco</a><br/>twit @ <a href="http://twitter.com/jaceisblue"> jaceisblue</a><br/>Also, check out my backlog if you're a fandom hopper!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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